dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
