he shaved USA in his pubs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
