his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
