exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
