It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
