if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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