She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
