They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
