my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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