i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
