I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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