..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
