I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize