I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
