I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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