so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
