pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to have your abortion
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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