just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
