I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
