dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
