Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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