Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
