Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
