Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
