She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
