My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
