I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
