yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
