Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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