First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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