everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
