Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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