Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
