I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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