My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
