Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
