i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize