walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
