Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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