thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
