booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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