he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
