I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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