you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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