You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
