ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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