omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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