He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
