U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
