Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
