your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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