Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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