last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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