No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
