You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
