I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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