you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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