I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
