just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
tell me about the fingering
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
