Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
