the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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