VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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