FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
