i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
