or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
