he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
