life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
