I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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