dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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