I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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