i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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