If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
