I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
