I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
