she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
