She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize