Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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