the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
