Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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